Saturday the 7th
Started digitizing my notes from when AMOR FATI was called Doom Metal Love Story. This is going to take the rest of the summer.
Sunday the 8th
Made progress on Ghost Hardware's proof of concept. Then turned around and hit a wall.
Tuesday the 10th
Raspberry Pi 3 Model B arrived in the mail. Finances are a bit bleak after last month's psychotic break. Will have to scavenge for peripherals toget it operational, but I am excited.
Monday the 16th
If I'm not honest about it, I'm never going to get over it.
I am struggling with Cotard's syndrome. It is a delusion of negation. I have lived with this my entire life. It becomes worse when I am under significant external stress.
Well, buddy, I got bad news for me.
Monday the 23rd
Decided to treat this page more like a living document than something I'm going to polish and publish. A sentence or two a day will start to add up after a while.
Update: Broke up with my boyfriend and told the last friend I had left that she could stop responding to my emails if she didn't want to talk to someone in his antipsychiatry era. Am now completely alone.
This is what I wanted.
Tuesday the 24th
Briefly forgot what day it is.
Went to bed "early" last night and awakened feeling empty-headed and listless. No energy. No motivation. It's like someone reached into my skull and took out everything I've been looking forward to or working on for the last month.
Wednesday the 25th
Nothing that happened today was worth recording nor survived initial attempts at doing so.
In search of a means of self-expression that does not require an audience.
Thursday the 26th
One minor inconvenience after another convinced the author he was being punished. Major meltdown. Had to sit with my inadequacies as a man and found some of them may be insurmountable.
Monday the 30th
While not advocating self-medication and overdosing in the same sentence, two days' worth of getting way too high helped me clarify a few things. This month both was and was not a total wash.
This week I intend to study data structures and practice solving linear systems of equations. I need to give the "MUST BE CREATIVE" part of my brain a break; it's had a hard couple years.
... a hard decade, if we go back to 2016 when I sold the rights to my debut novel. And the author wonders why he's tired.
Update: Began thinking about the site's purpose.
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